Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
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