There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
