I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize