god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
