I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
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Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
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I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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