take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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