Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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