Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
