I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
