girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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