Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
