she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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