Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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