East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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