i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
