there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I'm both gender and math confused
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
