quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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