I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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