your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
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