His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize