I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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