you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
