what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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