dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Randomize
