so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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