Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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