we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
