The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
