At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
