I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
