You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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