So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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