dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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