remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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