so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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