yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Randomize
