I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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