So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
