your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
