Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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