it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
