I can text with my tongue
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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