yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
