I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
