It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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