Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
