I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
