So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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