we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
