She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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