so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
love makes seman taste better
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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