Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I wear drunk well.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
