worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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