i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
