It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
