No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
