Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
