After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
