My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
