we have officially lost it.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
