At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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